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For a minute or two, Alice stood looking at the house, when suddenly a footman in uniform with a fish face came running out of the wood and knocked loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened by another footman. This one had a frog face.

[Footman: a male servant, especially one wearing a uniform.]

The Fishy Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter and this he handed over to the Froggy Footman, saying, in a solemn tone, "For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet."

The Froggy Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, "From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet." Then both footmen bowed low and their curls got entangled together. Eventually, the Fishy Footman disappeared back into the forest.

Then the Froggy Footman sat on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky. Alice went timidly up to the door and knocked.

"There's no use in knocking," said the Froggy Footman, "for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same side of the door as you are and secondly, because they're making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you." And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on inside. It sounded like a constant howling and sneezing and every now and then a great crash, as if a plate had been broken into a thousand pieces.

"How can I get in?" asked Alice.

"Will you ever get in?" said the Froggy Footman. "That's the first question, you know."

“Oh, there’s no use in talking to him.” said Alice desperately. “He’s a fool!” Alice opened the door herself and went in. The door led right into a large kitchen, which was completely full of smoke. The Duchess was sitting on a stool in the middle, nursing a baby. The cook was leaning over the fire, stirring a large caldron which seemed to be full of soup.

"There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!" Alice said to herself, as well as she could because she was sneezing so much. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally and the baby was sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The only two creatures in the kitchen that did not sneeze were the cook and a large cat, which was grinning from ear to ear.

"Please would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, "why your cat grins like that?"

"It's a Cheshire Cat," said the Duchess, "and that's why."

"I didn't know that Cheshire Cats always grinned. In fact, I didn't know that cats could grin at all," said Alice.

"You don't know much," said the Duchess, "and that's a fact."

Alice did not like the tone of this remark at all. Just then the cook took the caldron of soup off the fire and then started throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby. The fire irons came first, then a shower of saucepans, plates and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them, even when they hit her and the baby was howling so much already that it was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.

"Oh, please be careful!" cried Alice, jumping up and down in terror.

"Here! You can nurse the baby for a bit, if you want!" the Duchess said to Alice, throwing the baby at her as she spoke. "I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen," and she left the kitchen in a hurry.

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty because it was a strange shape and wriggled all the time. "If I don't take this child away with me," thought Alice, "they're sure to kill it in a day or two. It would be murder to leave it behind." The little thing grunted in reply and so Alice went out of the house, carrying the baby.

"If you're going to turn into a pig, my dear," said Alice, "I'll have nothing more to do with you. So be careful!"

Alice was just beginning to think to herself, "Now, what am I going to do with this creature, when I get it home?" when it grunted again so violently that Alice looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could be no mistake about it. This was definitely a pig. She put the little creature down on the ground and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood.

Alice was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a branch of a tree a few metres away. The Cat only grinned when it saw her.

"Cheshire Cat," began Alice, rather timidly, "would you please tell me which way to go from here?"

“That depends on where you want to go to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t care where,” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

“... as long as I go somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.

“Oh, you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

Alice felt that this was true, so she tried another question. “What sort of people live around here?”

"In that direction," the Cat said, waving his right paw around, "lives a Hatter; and in that direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like. They're both completely mad."

"But I don't want to see mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't avoid that," said the Cat, "Everybody here is totally crazy. I’m mad. You’re mad."

“How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice.

“You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

Alice didn’t think that proved it at all. However, she continued, “And how do you know that you’re mad?”

“To begin with,” said the Cat, “a dog’s not mad. Do you agree?”

“I suppose so,” said Alice.

“Well, then,” the Cat went on, “you see, a dog growls when it’s angry and wags its tail when it’s pleased. Now I growl when I’m pleased and wag my tail when I’m angry. Therefore I’m mad.”

“I call it purring, not growling,” said Alice.

“Call it what you like,” said the Cat. "Are you playing croquet with the Queen today?"

"I'd love to," said Alice, "but I haven't been invited."

"You'll see me there," said the Cat, and vanished.

Alice had not gone much further before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare. It was so large a house that she did not like to go near until she had nibbled some more of the left-hand bit of mushroom.

In Case You Didn't Know

Chesire is a region in England famous for milk and cream. This is why the cats who live in Chesire are always smiling.